Man is least himself..

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

Once a King called upon all of his wise men and asked them,

"Is there a mantra or suggestion which works in every situation, in every circumstance, in every place and in every time. Something which can help me when none of you is available to advise me. Tell me is there any mantra?" All wise men got puzzled by King"s question. One answer for all questions? Something that works everywhere, in every situation?

In every joy, every sorrow, every defeat and every victory? They thought and thought.

After a lengthy discussion, an old man suggested something which appealed to all of them. They went to the king and gave him something written on paper. But the condition was that king was not to see it out of curiosity. Only in extreme danger, when the King finds himself alone and there seems to be no way, only then he'll have to see it. The King put the papers under his Diamond ring.

After a few days, the neighbors attacked the Kingdom. It was a collective surprise attack of the King's enemies. King and his army fought bravely but lost the battle. King had to fled on his horse. The enemies were following him. His horse took him far away in the Jungle. He could hear many troops of horses following him and the noise was coming closer and closer. Suddenly the King found himself standing at the end of the road - that road was not going anywhere. Underneath there was a rocky valley thousand feet deep. If he jumped into it, he would be finished. And he could not return because it was a small road. The sound of enemy's horses was approaching fast. King became restless. There seemed to be no way..

Then suddenly he saw the Diamond in his ring shining in the sun, and he remembered the message hidden in the ring. He opened the diamond and read the message. The message was very small but very great. The message was – "This too will pass."

The King read it. Again read it. Suddenly something struck him- Yes! It too will pass. Only a few days ago, I was enjoying my kingdom. I was the mightiest of all the Kings. Yet today, the Kingdom and all his pleasure have gone. I am here trying to escape from enemies. However when those days of luxuries have gone, this day of danger too will pass. Calm come on his face.

He kept standing there. The place where he was standing

was full of natural beauty. He had never known that such a beautiful place was also a part of his Kingdom. The revelation of the message had a great effect on him. He relaxed and forgot about those following him.

After a few minutes he realized that the noise of the horses and the enemy coming was receding. They moved into some other part of the mountains and were not on that path. The King was very brave. He reorganized his army and fought again. He defeated the enemy and regained his lost empire. When he returned to his empire after victory, he was received with much fan fare at the door. The whole capital was rejoicing in the victory. Everyone was in a festive mood. Flowers were being thrown on the King from every house, from every corner.

People were dancing and singing. For a moment King said to himself," I am one of the bravest and greatest Kings. It is not easy to defeat me..:


With all the reception and celebration he saw an ego emerging in him. Suddenly the Diamond of his ring flashed in the sunlight and reminded him of the message. He opened it and read it again: "This too will pass" He became silent. His face went through a total change -from the egoist he moved to a state of utter humbleness.

If this too is going to pass, it is not yours. The defeat was not yours, the victory is not yours. You are just a watcher. Everything passes by We are witness of all this. We are the perceiver. Life comes and goes. Happiness comes and goes. Sorrow comes and goes.

Now as you have read this story, just sit silently and evaluate your own life... Think of the moments of joy and victory in your life. Think of the moment of Sorrow and defeat. Are they permanent? They all come and pass away. Life just passes away. There were friends in the past.

They have gone. There are friends today. They too will go. There will be new friends tomorrow. They too will go. There were enemies in the past. They have gone. There may be enemies in the present. They too will go. There will be new enemies tomorrow and.. they too will go.

There is nothing permanent in this world. Every thing changes except the law of change. Think over it from your own perspective. You have seen all the changes. You have survived all setbacks, all defeats and all sorrows. All have passed away. If there are problems in the present, they too will pass away. Because nothing remains forever. Joy and sorrow are the two faces of the same coin. They both will pass away.

Who are you in reality? Know your real face. Your face is not your true face. It will change with the time. However, there is something in you, which will not change.. It will remain unchanged. What is that unchangeable? It is nothing but your true self. You are just a witness of change.

Pretend that every single person you meet has a sign around his or her neck that says, Make Me Feel Important/good. Not only will you succeed in sales, you will succeed in life

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  • The Car Accident

    A woman and a man are involved in a car accident, Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

    After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left but fortunately we are not hurt. This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be really good friends.."

    The man thinking their might be a bright side to this, replied, "I agree with you completely."

    The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely we must drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

    Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man shakes his head in agreement, opens it and takes a few very large swigs from the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

    The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man. The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

    The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police."

    Contributed by: Bhagyalakshmi Sundaran (bsundaran @ yahoo.com)

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    Learn to Make Better Decisions

    If you're still making the same mistakes at 50 that you were at 20, you need to ask God for wisdom.

    "The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out" (Proverbs 18:15).

    What you are in the present is determined by the decisions you made in the past. Proverbs 14:15 says "A prudent man gives thought to his steps."

    If you want to change your future, learn to make better decisions.

    Be wise! Here are ten principles to guide you:

    1. Never make permanent decisions based on temporary circumstances.  If you do, you'll regret it.

    2. Don't let your emotions blind your reasoning. Pray, weigh things carefully and base your decisions on mature judgment.

    3. Surround yourself with sharp people and draw on their gifts, without being intimidated by their expertise.

    4. Take the time to consider all options.  What looks good to you today may not look so good tomorrow.

    5. You can't fight successfully on every front, so choose your battles carefully. Simply stated: some things are not worth fighting for.

    6. Take time to get all the facts; conjecture leads to crisis.

    7. Consider the consequences of each action. Ask yourself, "Am I ready to handle this right now?"

    8. Make sure your expectations don't exceed your potential and your resources. Be realistic. If you can't count, don't apply for a job in the finance office. If you can't sing, don't try to make an album. Focus on what God gifted you to do. That's where you'll succeed.

    9. Time is your most limited and valuable resource. Don't waste it.

    10. Allow yourself a 10% risk of being wrong, a 50% likelihood of betrayal, and a 100% commitment to trust God. Go forward and survive it all.

    Contributed by: Asian Woman (i_asianwoman @ yahoo.com)

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    The Thing Valued Most

    It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.

    Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night.

    The funeral is Wednesday.."

    Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

    "Jack, did you hear me?"

    "Oh sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.

    "Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.

    "I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.

    "You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said.

    "He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important... Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

    As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

    The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.

    Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time.

    The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture... Jack stopped suddenly.

    "What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.

    "The box is gone," he said.

    "What box?" Mom asked.

    "There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk.

    I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.

    It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

    "Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

    It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.

    Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention.

    "Mr. Harold Belser" it read.

    Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

    "Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

    Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved:

    "Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser."

    "The thing he valued most...was...my time."

    Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.

    "I need some time to spend with my son," he said.

    "Oh, by the way, Janet.... thanks for your time!"

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    How To Stop Free Advise

    A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

    After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

    "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

    The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

    The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

    When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

    Contributed by: Bhagyalakshmi Sundaran (bsundaran @ yahoo.com)

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  • Returning the Mail

    Now, this is going to sound like a rather strange and esoteric subject to some. But what is "Returning the mail"?

    Good question. Now, perceive of the world as a whole bunch of interactions. There are people in the world, and animals, but what really defines life is the interactions we have. There are two basic interactions we can participate in:

    1. We can be giving (whether literally, in the case of giving someone an object) or perhaps giving in the sense of emotional support, or just plain old speaking. We are projecting ourselves out there.

    2. Or we can be receiving. Here we are at the other end of the interaction. The receiving can also be a form of 'taking' sometimes; for those who are of a selfish bent. But in most cases, we act as the recipient, and are grateful.

    Now for the flow of life to work, we can't always be in the receiving mode. As a child we benefit immensely from our parents` love, because we are vulnerable and still learning. But as we grow older, the balance of the interactions changes, and we start to realize what we can offer to the world. We start 'giving'.

    Now, 'returning the mail' means sending back into the world all the love we have received. Not hoarding it up, dwelling on it, being entranced by it. We have reaped the full benefits of others` free givings; it is up to us to give it back.

    And not necessarily to the ones who gave it to us. Find those in need, then pass the mail onto them. They will read the message inside, and be over-joyed!

    Contributed by: Bhagyalakshmi Sundaran (bsundaran @ yahoo.com)

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  • Birth Control Pills: Benefits, Controls and Choices

    If you use the birth control pill — that is, an oral contraceptive — you're probably happy with its convenience and reliability. Still, you may have many questions about the potential effects of birth control pills on your overall health.

    How do pills that eliminate some or all your periods differ from other birth control pills?

    Traditional birth control pills make your reproductive system mimic a regular 28-day monthly cycle. For the first 21 days, you take active pills containing reproductive hormones. For the last seven days, you take a placebo. While you're taking the placebo pills, you bleed vaginally, as if you were having a regular menstrual period.

    By contrast, extended-cycle birth control pills contain active hormones for every day of the month. The newest extended-cycle regimen, Lybrel, is a low-dose pill that's designed to be taken continuously for one year, with no breaks for hormone-free intervals. Lybrel is meant to suppress all menstrual bleeding.

    Two other specially designed, extended-cycle pill regimens — Seasonale and Seasonique — are also currently on the market. With both pills, you take active hormone pills every day for three months, then you take one week of placebo pills (Seasonale) or low-dose estrogen pills (Seasonique). You'll experience menstrual bleeding during that week.

    Can you use ordinary birth control pills continuously to prevent having a period?

    It's possible to prevent your period with continuous use of any birth control pill. This means skipping the placebo pills and starting right away on a new pack. Some evidence suggests an advantage to this type of pill regimen. By continuously taking the pill, you prevent hormonal fluctuations that are responsible for bleeding, cramping, headaches and other discomforts associated with getting your period. However, you're at greater risk of breakthrough bleeding — bleeding between periods.

    Continuous use of your birth control pills works best if you're taking a monophasic pill — with the same hormone dose in the three weeks of active pills. If you're taking a triphasic pill — with a different hormone dose each week of the active pill phase — using them continuously carries a much higher rate of breakthrough bleeding.

    You may find continuous use of birth control pills a convenient way to avoid having your period during an important occasion or trip. Taking a monthly regimen birth control pill continuously is fine for about three months, but then you should plan on taking the placebo pills so that you'll have a menstrual cycle.

    If you plan to have a baby, how soon after stopping the birth control pill can you conceive?

    After you stop taking the pill, you may have only a two-week delay before you ovulate again. Your period would follow about four to six weeks after you take the last pill.

    Once ovulation resumes, you can become pregnant. If this happens during your first cycle off the pill, you may not have a period at all. Although this scenario is possible, it isn't likely.


    Is there an advantage to waiting a few months after stopping the pill before trying to conceive?

    If you have at least one normal period before conceiving, it will be somewhat easier to estimate when you ovulated and when your baby is due.

    In the past, doctors had concerns that if you conceived immediately after stopping the pill, you had a higher risk of miscarriage. However, these concerns have proved to be largely unfounded.

    If you plan to wait a few months, use a backup form of birth control while your menstrual cycles get back to normal.

    What happens if you stop taking the birth control pill but your period doesn't resume?

    If don't get a period for several months, you may have what's known as post-pill amenorrhea. The pill prevents your body from making hormones involved in ovulation and menstruation. When you stop taking the pill, it can take some time for your body to return to normal production of these hormones.

    Typically, your period should start again within three months after you stop taking the pill. Most women ovulate promptly and have a period within four to six weeks. But some women, especially those who took the pill to regulate their menstrual cycles, may not have a period for many months.

    If you don't have a period within three months, take a pregnancy test to make sure you're not pregnant. If after six months you still don't have a period, see your doctor.

    Will a pregnancy test be accurate if you're taking the birth control pill?

    You can get accurate results from a pregnancy test while you're on the pill. Pregnancy tests work by measuring a specific pregnancy-related hormone — human chorionic gonadotropin (HCG) — in your blood or urine. The active ingredients in birth control pills don't affect how a pregnancy test measures the level of HCG in your system.

    What happens if you take birth control pills while you're pregnant?

    If you continued taking your birth control pill because you didn't realize you were pregnant, don't be alarmed. Despite years of this accident happening, there's very little evidence that exposure to the hormones in birth control pills causes birth defects.

    Still, the birth control pill is a potent estrogen. Lessons learned from women who took diethylstilbestrol — a synthetic estrogen that was later linked with cancer — to prevent miscarriage in early pregnancy suggest that such exposure should be minimized.

    Once you learn that you're pregnant, stop taking the birth control pill.

    Can you use several birth control pills at once for emergency contraception?

    It's possible to use standard estrogen-progestin birth control pills for emergency contraception, but check with your doctor for the proper dose and timing of the pills.

    There is a pill specifically designed to keep you from becoming pregnant if you've had unprotected vaginal intercourse. An emergency contraception pill (Plan B) — also called the "morning-after pill" — contains a higher dose of progestin than is found in other birth control pills and is available over-the-counter for women age 17 and older. Otherwise, check with your doctor, local emergency room or Planned Parenthood clinic if you're in need of emergency contraception.

    If you've been taking birth control pills for many years and decide to stop, can you stop at any time or should you finish your current pill packet?

    In terms of your overall health, it makes little difference when you stop taking the pill. When you finally do stop the pill, you can expect some bleeding, which may change the rhythm of your menstrual cycle. But you can stop at any time.

    Can you get pregnant during the week that you take the nonactive (placebo) pills?

    Taking the nonactive pills doesn't put you at higher risk of unintended pregnancy. If you're taking your birth control pills exactly as directed, they're 98 percent to 99 percent effective at preventing pregnancy.

    If, however, you've missed a dose — or several doses — during a cycle, you might be at higher risk of unintended pregnancy during that cycle. To be safe, use a backup form of contraception, such as a condom.

    Do birth control pills cause weight gain?

    Lots of women think so. But studies have shown that the effect of the birth control pill on weight is small — if it exists at all.

    Instead, you may be retaining more fluid, which can make you feel as if you've put on weight, particularly in your breasts, hips and thighs. The estrogen in birth control pills does affect fat (adipose) cells, making them larger but not more numerous.

    In rare circumstances, women may add muscle, which can add weight, when taking the pill. This is due to the slight male-sex-hormone effect that the pill may have on some women.

    Whether this side effect shows up when you get on the scale or only when you look in the mirror, you may not like it. Taking pills with a low dose of estrogen may diminish the effect, but you may also experience a greater risk of spotting between periods.

    How do birth control pills affect your risk of cancer?

    Scientific evidence suggests using birth control pills for longer periods of time increases your risk of some cancers, such as cervical cancer and liver cancer, but it also decreases your risk of other types of cancer, including ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer.

    The effect of birth control pills on breast cancer risk isn't quite clear. However, some studies do show a link between pill use and breast cancer. Key factors seem to be how many years you take the pill and how recently you last used the pill. In one study, use of birth control pills led to a higher risk of premenopausal breast cancer in women who took the pill for four or more years before having a baby. Other evidence suggests that 10 or more years after you stop taking the pill, your breast cancer risk returns to the same level as if you had never taken birth control pills.

    Do birth control pills affect cholesterol levels?

    Birth control pills can affect cholesterol levels. How much of an effect depends on the type of pill you're taking and what concentration of estrogen or progestin it contains.

    The estrogen in birth control pills causes an increase in high-density lipoprotein (HDL) cholesterol levels (the "good" cholesterol), a decrease in low-density lipoprotein (LDL) cholesterol levels (the "bad" cholesterol) and an increase in your total cholesterol and triglyceride levels. Progestin in birth control pills has the opposite effect.

    Birth control pills with a greater concentration of estrogen can have a slightly beneficial overall effect on your blood lipid levels. In general, though, the changes aren't significant and don't affect your overall health.

    Do birth control pills affect blood pressure?

    Birth control pills may increase blood pressure. The risk of high blood pressure in women who take birth control pills also increases with age and the duration of use.

    If you take birth control pills, have your blood pressure checked regularly. If you already have high blood pressure, consider an alternative form of birth control. If you do choose to take the pill, have your blood pressure closely monitored by your doctor.

    If you develop high blood pressure while taking the pill, give serious thought to switching to another form of contraception.

    What's the risk of smoking if you're over age 35 and taking birth control pills?

    Birth control pills aren't recommended for women over age 35 who smoke because it increases the risk of cardiovascular disease. If you're 35 or older, and you smoke, you need to quit smoking before you can safely continue using your birth control pill.

    Can antibiotics decrease the effectiveness of birth control pills?

    The effects of antibiotics on birth control pills may be overstated — except in the case of one antibiotic, rifampin. Studies clearly show that rifampin decreases the effectiveness of birth control pills in preventing ovulation. However, rifampin isn't used widely. Chances are you wouldn't be taking it unless you had tuberculosis or had tested positive for the disease.

    Hypothetically speaking, other antibiotics, particularly penicillin and tetracycline derivatives, could impair the effectiveness of birth control pills in a small percentage of women. Researchers can't rule out this possibility, but no large studies have proved such an effect.

    If you're taking a newer, extremely low-dose oral contraceptive, you could be more susceptible to this potential antibiotic effect. If you're concerned, consider using a barrier method of contraception for the duration of your antibiotic prescription.

    Contributed by: Asha Gupta (asharaj53 @ gmail.com)

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    Contributed by: Gnana Prasad (gnanaprasadgopathi19 @ yahoo.com)

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    Hope N Courage

    Hope is life. Yes, hope is the driving force and it pushes the life forward and makes the life fruitful and worthiness for living. Positive thinking will enhance the life standards and reduces the stress levels.

    These following 10 points will help you to have a life with full of hope and positive thoughts.

    1. Never get despair yourself for every simple defeat and take strong decision to work harder than the previous attempt.

    2. Don't be always in a hurry mood, as hurry makes you worry. Have the patience and wait for some more time looking hopefully for the result. Certainly you will get the good result, as per the hard labor put by you.

    3. Never show sympathy upon yourself. Instead you make yourself more capable and dependable.

    4. Never allow anxiety to overtake you. Develop this type of thinking as, still what I have to do?

    5. People around you, are needn't be either your supporters or opposites, your thinking must be in that manner. Moreover they are busy in their daily chores, that point you must ever keep in mind ever.

    6. It is very difficult to please everyone always. The quotation is like this: ''If you want to please all, you please none''.

    7. Never afraid of the changes that may occur in the circumstances where you are working but try adjust to them which gives relief from stress and strain.

    8. Be of the opinion that you are helping others and not think like that others are utilizing you.

    9. Never worry that you are in troubles and there is no way out. But remember the quotation: ''Where there is will, there is a way''. For every problem, there is a solution.

    10. You have got your thinking capacity and you need not depend on others for simple things. Speak to others sincerely and live heart fully. Always laugh with others (it is not good to laugh at others). Be friendly with others as far as possible. Be plain in your dealings. A sincere person is always liked by others.

    Contributed by: Bhagyalakshmi Sundaran (bsundaran @ yahoo.com)

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  • Secret of a happily married life

    Once X asked Y, "What is the secret behind your happy married life?"

    Y said, "You should share responsibilities with due love and respect to each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems."

    X asked, "Can you explain?"

    Y said, "In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other's decisions."

    Still not convinced, X asked Y "Give me some examples"

    Y said," Smaller issues like which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit home town, which Sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy, monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc are decided by my wife. I just agree to it"

    X asked, "Then what is your role?"

    Y said," My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanction over Zimbabwe, whether to widen African economy, whether Sachin Tendulkar should retire etc etc. Do you know one thing, my wife NEVER objects to any of these".

    Contributed by: Asha Gupta (asharaj53 @ gmail.com)

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    Bill Gates - 11 Rules

    Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.

    Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

    Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

    Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

    Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

    Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

    Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

    Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

    Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer... This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

    Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

    Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

    Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

    Contributed by: Asha Gupta (asharaj53 @ gmail.com)

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    Contributed by: G. Natarajan (gnatarajan53 @ gmail.com)
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    10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking

    The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more powerful." - Dalai Lama

    Life could be so much better for many people, if they would just spot their negative thinking habits and replace them with positive ones.

    Negative thinking, in all its many-splendored forms, has a way of creeping into conversations and our thinking without our noticing them. The key to success, in my humble opinion, is learning to spot these thoughts and squash them like little bugs. Then replace them with positive ones. You'll notice a huge difference in everything you do.

    Let's take a look at 10 common ways that negative thinking emerges — get good at spotting these patterns, and practice replacing them with positive thinking patterns. It has made all the difference in the world for me.

    1. I will be happy once I have _____ (or once I earn X).

    Problem: If you think you can't be happy until you reach a certain point, or until you reach a certain income, or have a certain type of house or car or computer setup, you'll never be happy. That elusive goal is always just out of reach. Once we reach those goals, we are not satisfied — we want more.

    Solution: Learn to be happy with what you have, where you are, and who you are, right at this moment. Happiness doesn't have to be some state that we want to get to eventually — it can be found right now. Learn to count your blessings, and see the positive in your situation. This might sound simplistic, but it works.

    2. I wish I were as ____ as (a celebrity, friend, co-worker).

    Problem: We'll never be as pretty, as talented, as rich, as sculpted, as cool, as everyone else. There will always be someone better, if you look hard enough. Therefore, if we compare ourselves to others like this, we will always pale, and will always fail, and will always feel bad about ourselves. This is no way to be happy.

    Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others, and look instead at yourself — what are your strengths, your accomplishments, your successes, however small? What do you love about yourself? Learn to love who you are, right now, not who you want to become. There is good in each of us, love in each of us, and a wonderful human spirit in every one of us.

    3. Seeing others becoming successful makes me jealous and resentful.

    Problem: First, this assumes that only a small number of people can be successful. In truth, many, many people can be successful — in different ways.

    Solution: Learn to admire the success of others, and learn from it, and be happy for them, by empathizing with them and understanding what it must be like to be them. And then turn away from them, and look at yourself — you can be successful too, in whatever you choose to do. And even more, you already are successful. Look not at those above you in the social ladder, but those below you — there are always millions of people worse off than you, people who couldn't even read this article or afford a computer. In that light, you are a huge success.

    4. I am a miserable failure — I can't seem to do anything right.

    Problem: Everyone is a failure, if you look at it in certain ways. Everyone has failed, many times, at different things. I have certainly failed so many times I cannot count them — and I continue to fail, daily. However, looking at your failures as failures only makes you feel bad about yourself. By thinking in this way, we will have a negative self-image and never move on from here.

    Solution: See your successes and ignore your failures. Look back on your life, in the last month, or year, or 5 years. And try to remember your successes. If you have trouble with this, start documenting them — keep a success journal, either in a notebook or online. Document your success each day, or each week. When you look back at what you've accomplished, over a year, you will be amazed. It's an incredibly positive feeling.

    5. I'm going to beat so-and-so no matter what — I'm better than him. And there's no way I'll help him succeed — he might beat me.

    Problem: Competitiveness assumes that there is a small amount of gold to be had, and I need to get it before he does. It makes us into greedy, back-stabbing, hurtful people. We try to claw our way over people to get to success, because of our competitive feelings. For example, if a blogger wants to have more subscribers than another blogger, he may never link to or mention that other blogger. However, who is to say that my subscribers can't also be yours? People can read and subscribe to more than one blog.


    Solution: Learn to see success as something that can be shared, and learn that if we help each other out, we can each have a better chance to be successful. Two people working towards a common goal are better than two people trying to beat each other up to get to that goal. There is more than enough success to go around. Learn to think in terms of abundance rather than scarcity.

    6. Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?

    Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell on them, they will frustrate us and bring us down.

    Solution: See bad things as a part of the ebb and flow of life. Suffering is a part of the human condition — but it passes. All pain goes away, eventually. Meanwhile, don't let it hold you back. Don't dwell on bad things, but look forward towards something good in your future. And learn to take the bad things in stride, and learn from them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow and learn and get stronger, in disguise.

    7. You can't do anything right.! Why can't you be like ____ ?

    Problem: This can be said to your child or your subordinate or your sibling. The problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a fallacy. People are different, with different ways of doing things, different strengths and weaknesses, different human characteristics. If we were all the same, we'd be robots. Second, saying negative things like this to another person never helps the situation. It might make you feel better, and more powerful, but in truth, it hurts your relationship, it will actually make you feel negative, and it will certainly make the other person feel negative and more likely to continue negative behavior. Everyone loses.

    Solution: Take the mistakes or bad behavior of others as an opportunity to teach. Show them how to do something. Second, praise them for their positive behavior, and encourage their success. Last, and most important, love them for who they are, and celebrate their differences.

    8. Your work sucks. It's super lame. You are a moron and I hope you never reproduce.

    Problem: I've actually gotten this comment before. It feels wonderful. However, let's look at it not from the perspective of the person receiving this kind of comment but from the perspective of the person giving it. How does saying something negative like this help you? I guess it might feel good to vent if you feel like your time has been wasted. But really, how much of your time has been wasted? A few minutes? And whose fault is that? The bloggers or yours? In truth, making negative comments just keeps you in a negative mindset. It's also not a good way to make friends.

    Solution: Learn to offer constructive solutions, first of all. Instead of telling someone their blog sucks, or that a post is lame, offer some specific suggestions for improvement. Help them get better. If you are going to take the time to make a comment, make it worth your time. Second, learn to interact with people in a more positive way — it makes others feel good and it makes you feel better about yourself. And you can make some great friends this way. That's a good thing.

    9. Insulting People Back

    Problem: If someone insults you or angers you in some way, insulting them back and continuing your anger only transfers their problem to you. This person was probably having a bad day (or a bad year) and took it out on you for some reason. If you reciprocate, you are now having a bad day too. His problem has become yours. Not only that, but the cycle of insults can get worse and worse until it results in violence or other negative consequences — for both of you.

    Solution: Let the insults or negative comments of others slide off you like Teflon. Don't let their problem become yours. In fact, try to understand their problem more — why would someone say something like that? What problems are they going through? Having a little empathy for someone not only makes you understand that their comment is not about you, but it can make you feel and act in a positive manner towards them — and make you feel better about yourself in the process.

    10. I don't think I can do this — I don't have enough discipline. Maybe some other time.

    Problem: If you don't think you can do something, you probably won't. Especially for the big stuff. Discipline has nothing to do with it — motivation and focus has everything to do with it. And if you put stuff off for "some other time", you'll never get it done. Negative thinking like this inhibits us from accomplishing anything.

    Solution: Turn your thinking around: you can do this! You don't need discipline. Find ways to make yourself a success at your goal. If you fail, learn from your mistakes, and try again. Instead of putting a goal off for later, start now. And focus on one goal at a time, putting all of your energy into it, and getting as much help from others as you can. You can really move mountains if you start with positive thinking.

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  • Proven Ways to Get Along Better with EVERYONE

    1. Before you say anything to anyone, ask yourself 3 things: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

    2. Make promises sparingly and keep them faithfully.

    3. Never miss the opportunity to compliment or say something encouraging to someone.

    4. Refuse to talk negatively about others; Don't gossip and don't listen to gossip.

    5. Have a forgiving view of people. Believe that most people are doing the best they can.

    6. Keep an open mind; Discuss, but don't argue. (It is possible to disagree without being disagreeable. )

    7. Forget about counting to 10. Count to 1,000 before doing or saying anything that could make matters worse.

    8. Let your virtues speak for themselves.

    9. If someone criticizes you, see if there is any TRUTH to what is being said; If so, make changes; If there is no truth to the criticism, ignore it and live so that no one will believe the negative remark.

    10. Cultivate your sense of humor; Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.

    11. Do not seek so much to be consoled, as to console; Do not seek so much to be understood, as to understand.

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