Management is a subject that even many managers concede is ripe for the humorous take. We are all being managed and/or managing something/someone. And all of us can do with a few laughs. So here’s a short but hopefully sharp selection of management humour. Naturally, the higher you are in the management hierarchy, the more you are suitable for a funny take.
HOT AIR RIDE
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.”
The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude.”
“You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist. “I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?”
“Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is, technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.”
The woman below responded, “You must be in management.” “I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?”
“Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”
MIND THE CHAIR
A crow was sitting on a tree doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow and asked him: “Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?” The crow answered: “Sure, why not.” So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
Q: What can we learn from this?
A: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up.
- The Magic of Doing One Thing at a Time
- If you find yourself in a hole, STOP digging
- The Empty Soap Box
- Placement and Induction
COFFEE TABLE
An American Indian walked into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other. He says to the waiter, ‘Me want coffee.’
The waiter says, ‘Sure chief, coming right up...’
He gets the American Indian a tall mug of coffee..., and he drinks it down in one gulp, picks up the bucket of manure, throws it into the air, blasts it with the shotgun, then just walks out.
The next morning he returns. He has his shotgun in one hand and a bucket of buffalo manure in the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter, ‘Me want coffee.’
The waiter says, ‘Whoa, Tonto! We’re still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What the heck was all that about, anyway?’
He smiles and proudly says, ‘Me training for top management position: Come in, drink coffee, shoot some crap, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of the day...
ONE-LINERS
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking
Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation
Exceptions always outnumber rules
If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough
Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg. It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else
Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things
A meeting is an event where minutes are taken and hours wasted.
Contributed by: HSGRAO @GMAIL.COM
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