~Building Unshakable Self-Confidence ~

Building Unshakable Self-Confidence

By: Brian Tracy

The Greatest Obstacle to Success
The fear of failure is the single greatest obstacle to success in
adult life. Taken to its extreme, we become totally pre-occupied with
not making a mistake, with seeking for security above all other
considerations. The experience of the fear of failure is in the words
of "I can't", "I can't." We feel it in the front of the body,
starting at the solar plexus and moving up to the rapid beating of
the heart, rapid breathing and a tight throat. We also experience
this fear in the bladder and in the irresistible need to run to the
bathroom.


The Fear of Rejection Holds You Back
The second major fear that interferes with performance and inhibits
expression, is the fear of rejection. We learn this when our parents
make their love conditional upon our behavior. If we do what pleases
them, they give us love and approval. If we do something they don't
like, they withdraw their love and approval-which we interpret as
rejection.


The Roots of Type A Behavior
As adults, people raised with conditional love become preoccupied
with the opinions of others. Many men develop Type A behavior which
is characterized by hostility, suspicion and an obsession with
performance to some undetermined high standard. This is expressed in
the attitude of "I have to," I have to," and is associated with the
feeling that "I have to work harder and accomplish more in order to
please the boss" who has become a surrogate parent.


The Most Common Trap
More than 99 percent of adults experience both these fears of failure
and rejection. They are caught in the trap of feeling, "I can't,"
but "I have to," "I have to," but "I can't."


The Key to Peak Performance
The antidote to these fears is the development of courage, character
and self-esteem. The opposite of fear is actually love, self-love and
self-respect. Acting with courage in a fearful situation is simply a
technique that boosts our regard for ourselves to such a degree that
our fears subside and lose their ability to effect our behavior and
our decisions.


Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do to increase your self-esteem and self-
confidence and overcome your fears.


First, realize and accept that you can do anything you put your mind
to. Repeat the words, "I can do it! I can do it!" whenever you feel
afraid for any reason.


Second, continually think of yourself as a valuable and important
person and remember that temporary failure is the way you learn how
to succeed.