Things only a Mother can teach

My Mother taught me about ANTICIPATION:

"Just wait until your father gets home."

 

My Mother taught me about RECEIVING:.

"You are going to get it when we get home!"

 

My Mother taught me to MEET A CHALLENGE:

"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you... Don't talk back to me!"

 

My Mother taught me LOGIC:

"Because I said so, that's why."

 

&

 

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to

the store with me."

 

My Mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE:

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

 

My Mother taught me to THINK AHEAD:

"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job."

 

My Mother taught me ESP:

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you're cold?"

 

My Mother taught me HUMOR:

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

 

My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT:

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

 

My Mother taught me about SEX:

"How do you think you got here?"

 

My Mother taught me about GENETICS:

"You're just like your father."

 

My Mother taught me about my ROOTS:

"Do you think you were born in a barn?"

 

My Mother taught me about WISDOM OF AGE:

"When you get to be my age, you will understand."

 

My Mother taught me about JUSTICE:

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you'll see what it's like."

 

My mother taught me RELIGION:

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

 

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

 

My mother taught me FORESIGHT:

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

 

My mother taught me IRONY:

"Keep crying and I'll *give* you something to cry about."

 

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS:

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

 

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM:

"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

 

My mother taught me about STAMINA:

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is finished."

 

My mother taught me about WEATHER:

"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."

 

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because

I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

 

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY:

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times: Don't Exaggerate!!!"

 

My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE:

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

 

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION:

"Stop acting like your father!"

 

My mother taught me about ENVY:

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"