By Sita Krishnan (sita2006krish @ yahoo.com)
To live a life i need heartbeat,
to have heartbeat i need a heart,
to have heart i need happiness,
to have happiness i need a friend,
and for a friend i need you ALWAYS
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Dhadkan
Why Did I turn to Cry
By Sita Krishnan (sita2006krish @ yahoo.com)
what i had to do
and what i did
what i wanted to say
what i wanted to hear
why did i go wrong
when there was no fault at all
what did i think
when everything was so clear...
why did i turn to cry
when there were a hundred reasons to smile...
why did i choose to be alone
when i have such a wonderful friend
i love u
A Prayer for His Son
by: Douglas MacArthur, More Sower's Seeds
Build me a son, O Lord,
who will be strong enough to know when he is weak,
brave enough to face himself when he is afraid,
Build me a son,
whose wishes will not take the place of deeds...
Lead him, I pray, not in the path of ease and comfort,
but under the stress and spur of difficulties and challenges.
Let him learn to stand in the storm;
let him learn compassion for those who fall.
Build me a son,
whose heart is clear, whose goals will be high
a son who will master himself before he seeks to master others;
who will reach into the future, yet never forget the past.
And after all these things aer his, add, I pray,
enough of a sense of humor
so that he may always be serious
yet never take himeself too seriously...
Then, I, his father will dare to whisper,
"I have not lived in vain."
Nine management lessons from Dhirubhai Ambani
Dhirubhaism No 1: Roll up your sleeves and help.
You and your team share the same DNA.
Reliance, during Vimal's heady days had organized a fashion show at the Convention Hall, at Ashoka Hotel in New Delhi.
As usual, every seat in the hall was taken, and there were an equal number of impatient guests outside, waiting to be seated. I was of course completely besieged, trying to handle the ensuing confusion, chaos and protests, when to my amazement and relief, I saw Dhirubhai at the door trying to pacify the guests.
Dhirubhai at that time was already a name to reckon with and a VIP himself, but that did not stop him from rolling up his sleeves and diving in to rescue a situation that had gone out of control. Most bosses in his place would have driven up in their swank cars at the last moment and given the manager a piece of their minds. Not Dhirubhai.
When things went wrong, he was the first person to sense that the circumstances would have been beyond his team's control, rather than it being a slip on their part, as he trusted their capabilities implicitly. His first instinct was always to join his men in putting out the fire and not crucifying them for it. Sounds too good a boss to be true, doesn't he? But then, that was Dhirubhai.
Dhirubhaism No 2: Be a safety net for your team.
There used to be a time when our agency Mudra was the target of some extremely vicious propaganda by our peers, when on an almost daily basis my business ethics were put on trial. I, on my part, putting on a brave front, never raised this subject during any of my meetings with Dhirubhai.
But one day, during a particularly nasty spell, he gently asked me if I needed any help in combating it. That did it. That was all the help that I needed. Overwhelmed by his concern and compassion, I told him I could cope, but the knowledge that he knew and cared for what I was going through, and that he was there for me if I ever needed him, worked wonders for my confidence.
I went back a much taller man fully armed to face whatever came my way. By letting us know that he was always aware of the trials we underwent and that he was by our side through it all, he gave us the courage we never knew we had.
Dhirubhaism No 3: The silent benefactor.
This was another of his remarkable traits. When he helped someone, he never ever breathed a word about it to anyone else. There have been none among us who haven't known his kindness, yet he never went around broadcasting it.
He never used charity as a platform to gain publicity. Sometimes, he would even go to the extent of not letting the recipient know who the donor was. Such was the extent of his generosity. "Expect the unexpected" just might have been coined for him.
Dhirubhaism No 4: Dream big, but dream with your eyes open.
His phenomenal achievement showed India that limitations were only in the mind. And that nothing was truly unattainable for those who dreamed big.
Whenever I tried to point out to him that a task seemed too big to be accomplished, he would reply: " No is no answer!" Not only did he dream big, he taught all of us to do so too. His one-line brief to me when we began Mudra was: "Make Vimal's advertising the benchmark for fashion advertising in the country."
At that time, we were just a tiny, fledgling agency, tucked away in Ahmedabad, struggling to put a team in place. When we presented the seemingly insurmountable to him, his favourite response was always: "It's difficult but not impossible!" And he was right. We did go on to achieve the impossible.
Both in its size and scope Vimal's fashion shows were unprecedented in the country. Grand showroom openings, stunning experiments in print and poster work all combined to give the brand a truly benchmark image. But way back in 1980, no one would have believed it could have ever been possible. Except Dhirubhai.
But though he dreamed big, he was able to clearly distinguish between perception and reality and his favourite phrase "dream with your eyes open" underlined this.
He never let preset norms govern his vision, yet he worked night and day familiarizing himself with every little nitty-gritty that constituted his dreams constantly sifting the wheat from the chaff. This is how, as he put it, even though he dreamed, none of his dreams turned into nightmares. And this is what gave him the courage to move from one orbit to the next despite tremendous odds.
Dhirubhai was indeed a man of many parts, as is evident. I am sure there are many people who display some of the traits mentioned above, in their working styles as well, but Dhirubhai was one of those rare people who demonstrated all of them, all the time.
5. Dhirubhaism: Leave the professional alone!
Much as people would like to believe, most owners (even managers and clients), though eager to hire the best professionals in the field, do so and then use them as extensions of their own personality. Every time I come across this, which is much too often, I am reminded of how Dhirubhai's management techniques used to be (and still remain) so refreshingly different.
For instance, way back in the late 1970s when we decided to open an agency of our own, he asked me to name it. I carried a short list of three names, two Westernised and one Indian. It was a very different world back then. Everything Anglicised was considered "upmarket."
There were hardly any agencies with Indian names barring my own ex-agency Shilpi and a few others like Ulka and Sistas. He looked at the list and asked me what my choice was. I said "Mudra": it was the only name that suited my personality. And the spirit of the agency that I was to head.
I was very Indian and an Anglicised name on my visiting card would seem pretentious and contrived. No further questions were asked. No suggestions offered, just a plain and simple "Go ahead and do it." That was just the beginning.
He continued to give me total freedom -- no supervision, no policing -- in all my decisions thereafter. In fact, the only direction that he gave me, just once, was this: "Produce your best."
His utter trust in me was what pushed me to never, ever let him down. I guess the simplest strategies are often the hardest to adopt. That was the secret of the Dhirubhai legend. It was not out of a book. It was a skillful blend of head and heart.
6. Dhirubhaism: Change your orbit, constantly!
To understand this statement, let me explain Dhirubhai's "orbit theory."
He would often explain that we are all born into an orbit. It is up to us to progress to the next. We could choose to live and die in the orbit that we are born in. But that would be a criminal waste of potential. When we push ourselves into the next orbit, we benefit not only ourselves but everyone connected with us.
Take India's push for development. There was once a time our country's growth rate was just 4 per cent, sarcastically referred to as the "Hindu growth rate." Look at us today, galloping along at a healthy 7-8 per cent.
This is no miracle. It is the product of a handful of determined orbit changers like Dhirubhai, all of whose efforts have benefited a larger sphere in their respective fields.
In a small way, I too have experienced the thrill of changing orbits with Mudra. In the 1980s, we leapt from the orbit of a small Ahmedabad ad agency to become the country's third largest ad agency -- in just under a decade.
However, when you change orbits, you will create friction. The good news is that your enemies from your previous orbit will never be able to reach you in your new one. By the time resentment builds up in your new orbit, you should move to the next level. And so on.
Changing orbits is the key to our progress as a nation.
7. The arm-around-the-shoulder leader
I have never seen any other empire builder nor the CEO of any big organisation do this (why, I never adopted this myself!).
It was Dhirubhai's very own signature style. Whenever I went to meet him and if on that day, all the time that he could spare me was a short walk up to his car, he would instantly put his arm around me and proceed to discuss the issues at hand as we walked.
With that one simple gesture, he managed to achieve many things. I was put at ease instantaneously. I was made to feel like an equal who was loved and important enough to be considered close to him. And I would walk away from that meeting feeling so good about myself and the work I was doing!
This tendency that he had, to draw people towards him, manifested itself in countless ways. This was just one of them. He would never, ever exude an air of aloofness and exclusivity. He was always inviting people into sharing their thoughts and ideas, rather than shutting them out.
On hindsight I think, it must have required phenomenal generosity of spirit to be that inclusive. Yes, this was one of the things that was uniquely Dhirubhai -- that warm arm around my shoulder that did much more than words in letting me know that I belonged, that I had his trust, and that I had him on my side!
8. The Dhirubhai theory of Supply creating Demand
He was not an MBA. Nor an economist. But yet he took traditional market theory and stood it on its head. And succeeded.
Yes, at a time when everyone in India would build capacities only after a careful study of market expectations, he went full steam ahead and created giants of manufacturing plants with unbelievable capacites. (Initial cap of Reliance Patalganga was 10,000 tonnes of PFY way back in 1980, while the market in India for it was approx. 6000 tonnes).
No doubt his instinct was backed by years and years of reading, studying market trends, careful listening and his own honed capacity to forecast, but yet despite all this preparation, it required undeniable guts to pioneer such a revolutionary move.
The consequence was that the market blossomed to absorb supply, the consumer benefited with prices crashing down, the players increased and our economic landscape changed for the better. The Patalganga plant was in no time humming at maximum capacity and as a result of the plant's economies of scale, Dhirubhai's conversion cost of the yarn in 1994 came down to 18 cents per pound, as compared to Western Europe's 34 cents, North America's 29 cents and the Far East's 23 cents and Reliance was exporting the yarn back to the US!
A more recent example was that of Mukesh Ambani taking this vision forward with Reliance Infocomm (which is now handled by Anil Ambani). In India's mobile telephony timeline there will always be a very clear 'before Infocomm and after Infocomm' segmentation. The numbers say it all. In Jan 2003, the mobile subscriber base was 13 million, about 16 months later, shortly after the launch, it had reached 30 million.
In March 2006, it has touched 90 million ! Yes, this was yet another unusual skill of Dhirubhai's -- his uncanny knack of knowing exactly how the market is going to behave.
9. Money is not a product by itself, it is a by-product, so don't chase it
This was a belief by which Dhirubhai lived all his life. For instance when he briefed me about setting up Mudra, his instruction was clear: 'Produce the best textile advertising in the country,' he said.
He did not breathe a word about profits, nor about becoming the richest ad agency in the country. Great advertising was the goal that he set for me. A by-product is something that you don't set out to produce. It is the spin off when you create something larger.
When you turn logs into lumber, sawdust is your by-product and a pretty lucrative one it can be too! It is a very simple analogy but extremely effective in driving the point home. Work toward a goal beyond your bank balance.
Success in attaining that goal will eventually ring in the cash. For instance, if you work towards creating a name for yourself and earning a good reputation, then money is a logical outcome.
People will pay for your product or service if it is good. But if you get your priorities slightly mixed up, not only will the money you make remain just a quick buck it would in all likelihood blacklist you for good. Sounds too simplistic for belief? Well, look around you and you will know exactly how true it is.
Source: Unknown
Managers With Superpowers Can Transform a Business
by Paula Godar
Neglecting any employees' needs can be detrimental to an organization's success, but recognition can dramatically improve employee performance.
A 2007 Maritz employee engagement poll identified six different supervisor personality profiles and their effects on employee engagement and customer loyalty.
Profiles of Super Managers
The Caring Mentor stood out at encouraging high employee-performance levels. Some 81 percent of respondents identified the Caring Mentor as a managerial Superman because this type of manager possesses similar characteristics to the American cultural icon.
Caring Mentors are highly relational and greatly appreciated by their direct reports. Honesty is one of their strongest attributes. They are cheerful, generous, friendly and flexible. Employees under Caring Mentors have the strongest affinity for customers. Also, employees with Caring Mentor bosses are more likely to stay with a company long term and recommend their company to others.
Unfortunately, only 26 percent of employees have Caring Mentors, which means 74 percent of employees have a less than ideal manager.
The most common type of boss isn't a villain. This person falls in the Respectable Professional category for 29 percent of employees. Employees view them with respect and believe them to be honest and reliable. However, Respectable Professionals are task-driven and conduct business operations efficiently, only displaying flexibility when required. These bosses tend to maintain a professional distance and fail to make the company a fun place to work.
Some 19 percent of employees have the Win-at-Any-Cost manager. Tough, controlling and ruthless, these supervisors aren't seen as ethical, honest or intelligent. In fact, most direct reports characterize them as inconsistent and clueless. These managers have the lowest employee engagement.
Seen as tough, controlling and task driven, the Taskmaster is not cheerful or peaceful, but focused on achieving goals. Some 10 percent of employees categorize their supervisors as such. The Taskmaster rates higher on both ethics and competence, but doesn't engender much employee loyalty.
The 9 percent of employees who rate their supervisors as Likeable Losers do not respect this type of manager. They are seen as incompetent and inconsistent despite their wholesomeness and charm.
At first, the Glad Handler manager seems friendly and flexible. But the Glad Handler still is rated the second-worst type of manager. Recognized as dishonest, unreliable, clueless and uncaring, some 7 percent of employees categorize their boss as such.
To encourage more Super Manager behavior, managers must understand the need for employee recognition and then learn how. In a 2005 Maritz buyers research study, HR managers reported their top need regarding recognition is manager training, which can be done via train-the-trainer workshops, for example.
But recognition training only can be successful if the employee receiving recognition finds it personally fulfilling. Employees may appear similar or easily grouped into basic demographic segments such as generations, but what motivates them likely is very different. To have the most impact, break recognition down to the individual level.
Superpowers in Action
Recently, entertainment restaurant Dave and Buster's wanted to improve its rewards and recognition program to foster better employee engagement and improve the customer experience. The program did not have the right rewards mix to motivate Gen X and Gen Y staff.
The company created the Most Valuable Producer (MVP) points-bank program. Simple and easy for managers to use, the MVP program offered a wide range of awards and redemption methods tailored to different employee demographics.
The MVP program also included a heavy communications push that targeted each individual employee. Using MVP, the company saw a significant decrease in employee turnover, managers embraced the opportunity to recognize their employees and managers, and employees bonded and became more engaged.
Empowering managers to listen to their people, understand their differences and apply the right rewards-and-recognition mix can maximize motivation-related investments and ensure managers are being Super Managers - as long as there's no kryptonite lying around the office.
[About the Author: Paula Godar is director of business development for Maritz.]
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If you had ONE day
Contributed by: Asian Woman (i_asianwoman @yahoo.com)
If you had one day to do anything you wanted, what would that be??
Sing;
Even if people have told you, 'never sing,' you'll want to sing.
Jump;
Feel your strength surge from the tops of your legs to the tips of your toes.
Love;
Tell everybody you love that you love them.
Live;
Life is for living, not waiting.
Dance;
Feel the music and let the beat pulse through your blood like fire.
Reach;
Try to touch the stars.
Spin;
Let your arms fly around you in circles like the horses on a carousel.
Swim;
Jump into the water like you jump into life -
Head first with no regrets or worries.
Laugh;
Laugh loudly, and feel it from your stomach all the way up to your brain.
Meet;
Meet people you wouldn't meet before.
Cry;
Let your feelings be known.
Hug;
A hug is forever.
But, most of all, enjoy.
Digest, Save and Remember
It is not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong;
Not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich;
Not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned;
And
Not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity.
So Remember to
Digest well, Save good, and Put into Practice the Planned Plans
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Grandma’s Remedies
Contributed by: Nanci Baren (http: //health.groups.yahoo.com/group/arubyrogers/)
For a Fever
Kristy said: When a child has a high fever, chop up onions, put them on the child's feet and then cover with socks. Kinda smelly, yes, but it works. My grandmother swore by it, and when my 9 year old daughter recently ran a fever of 103, I did this, and her fever broke in an hour, and did not return.
Dry Feet Remedy
Desiree said: Cover your feet with a lot of lotion, whichever kind you prefer, then cover with a pair of thick socks overnight. When you wake up your feet will be softer.
Cold Sore Cure
Maggie said: Apply an ice cube at the first sign of a cold sore or fever blister. Stops it in its track! The outbreak is minimal and they seem to be less frequent over time. Apply off and on for about 15 minutes, for a few minutes each time. The trick is to get the ice to it quickly when you first notice it coming on.
Make Gas Go Away
Estella2977 said: For indigestion or gas, a tablespoon of baking soda in a glass of lukewarm water works better than any antacid I've ever tried. It's gross, but it's worth the wincing at the taste.
Help Hiccups
Fallen5729 said: Try a spoonful of vinegar or lemon juice. It works for me every time!!
Jeanetta said: Simply swallow about a half teaspoon of sugar, It stops them every time.
Cut Coughing
Tracey said: I have no idea why this works, but everyone I know swears by this: Whenever you have a persistent cough, rub generous amount of Vick's VapoRub on your feet, then cover with socks. The cough is gone almost immediately. This works especially well at night. I just got over pneumonia about a week ago, and this worked for my cough better than the cough medicine I was taking.
Stop Sinus Pain
Bonnie said: When sinus pain won't go away, try a teaspoon of regular table salt in 6 ounces of warm water. Breathe it in through your nostrils. The salt dissolves any mucous build-up. (Ever put salt on a slug? Same thing happens with built up mucous in your nasal passages.)
Banish Headaches
Solomeeeo said: To relieve a headache, soak your feet in a basin of warm water at the same time apply a cold compress to your head. It really works!
Robb said: Gatorade has electrolytes magnesium and potassium and are necessary for the control of blood pressure which is effected by headaches and vice versa. I have kept both in my kitchen for when I have minor headaches due to weather changes and every day stress factors.
Beat Breakouts
Scripty said: Plagued by boils and acne, I found eating brocoli helps get rid of it almost over night (especially if you do this right away after a break out occurs!). Also vitamins with lot's of "B" does the trick too!
Laurie L. said: For my rare acne outbreaks I resort to hemorrhoid cream (new tube, mind you). It relieves the irritation/soreness and the blemish is gone within a couple days (sometimes overnight).
Miamialexis said: Honey works wonders on acne, put a little dab on the pimple and cover overnight with a bandage, wake up the next day pimple free.
Paula Sanders said: If you have a pimple or a boil that needs to come to a head try this. Crack open a raw egg and gently remove the membrane from the shell. Quickly (before it dries out) lay it over the top of the boil or pimple and the next morning it will be ready to open (sometimes it is already open) with much less pain.
Stop Ears from Popping
Ryan said: Here's a tip for when your ears are popping:
Pinch your nose and exhale against it. The air will be unable to go out, and the pressure will push against the pressure in your ears.
Scuba divers use this trick to keep pressurized as they go deeper and deeper underwater.
It takes a little bit of practice-- do it too hard and you'll over-pressurize the ears, which is just as annoying but harder to fix.
For Pain Down There
Margaret said: To relieve hemorrhoid pain apply a generous amount of "Vicks" salve. (Menthol salve of any brand will work but I like Vicks) It feels great. It may burn a little at first but in seconds you begin to feel cool RELIEF. My mother told me to do this. I was reluctant, but desperation won! I am so glad I listened.
Home Cures for Burns
Donna M. Lambert said: In the good old days just plain tea bags would and still do to soothe a sunburn. make a cup of tea, drink the tea and use the tea bag on the burn.
John said: Try soy sauce. Yes, no scars and a quick heal, also, fast pain relief!
Solaida said: I burned my thumb taking something out of the oven and my grandmom scraped a peeled potato and placed it where the burn was. No blister no redness no pain after a while.
Marilyn Fonken said: So you can handle the pain from a burn, such as hot oil while frying, put some white regular colgate tooth paste. This help your pain after a few seconds. It always works for me.
Jay Said: For sunburns, put honey on the burned area. As it pulls the fever from the skin it will turn to water. Keep applying until it stops turning to water. It prevents blistering.
Suzette said: Use vanilla extract on it a couple of times a day and it will soothe and keep from scaring. Keep doing this until you don't see the scar anymore. Use this for any kind of burn.
Soothe Sore Throat
Desiree said: Drink about a 1/4 cup of pickle juice. Takes the sore throat away immediately. If it is a severe sore throat you may need to repeat this once or twice.
Ruth Bomhan said: for sore throat, I gargle about every 45 minutes or so with one tablespoon of clear Karo corn syrup dissolved in glass of warm tap water....works for me
Jay said: Soak a tea towel in very hot water. Ring it dry and wrap it about the neck. Cover it with a bath towel. When the towel gets noticeably cool resoak the tea towel.
Suzette said: Use a tablespoon of 1/2 vinegar and 1/2 honey. The vinegar will kill the infection and the honey will soothe your throat.
Best Decongestant
Mom said: When your nose is really stuffed, try dropping a glob of vapor rub into a hot shower just before you get into it. the rub melts and turns to steam and opens up that nose.
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Top 10 Reasons To Exercise In The Morning
By Greg Landry (Source: Email forward, Rights: Unknown)
If I had to pick a single factor that I thought was most important in a successful exercise or weight loss program, it would be to exercise first thing in the morning - every morning! Some mornings, you may just be able to fit in a 10 minute walk, but it's important to try to do something every morning.
So why mornings?...
1. Over 90% of people who exercise 'consistently', exercise in the morning. If you want to exercise consistently, odds are in your favor if you exercise first thing in the morning.
2. When you exercise early in the morning, it "jump starts" your metabolism and keeps it elevated for hours, sometimes up to 24 hours! That means you're burning more calories all day long just because you exercised in the morning!
3. When you exercise in the morning you'll be *energized* for the day! Personally, I feel dramatically different on days when I have and haven't exercised in the morning.
4. Many people find that morning exercise "regulates" their appetite for the day - that they aren't as hungry and that they make better food choices. Several people have told me that it puts them in a "healthy mindset."
5. If you exercise at about the same time every morning, and ideally wake-up at about the same time on a regular basis, your body's endocrine system and circadian rhythms adjust to that. Physiologically, some wonderful things begin to happen; A couple of hours *before* you awaken, your body begins to prepare for waking and exercise because it "knows" it's about to happen. Why? Because it "knows" you do the same thing just about everyday. You benefit from that in several ways..
a) It's MUCH easier to wake-up. When you wake-up at different times everyday, it confuses your body and thus it's never really "prepared" to awaken. b) Your metabolism and all the hormones involved in activity and exercise begin to elevate while you're sleeping. Thus, you feel more alert, energized, and ready to exercise when you do wake-up. c) Hormones prepare your body for exercise by regulating blood pressure, heart rate, blood flow to muscles, etc.
6. For many people, that appointed time every morning becomes something they look forward to. It's time they've set aside to do something good for themselves - to take care of their body, mind, and soul. Many find that it's a great time to think clearly, pray, plan their day, or just relax mentally.
7. Research has demonstrated that exercise increases mental acuity. On average it lasts four to ten hours after exercise! No sense in wasting that brain power while you're sleeping. :)
8. Exercise first thing in the morning is really the only way to assure that something else won't crowd exercise out of your schedule. When your days get hectic, exercise usually takes a back seat!
9. If finding time to exercise is difficult, anyone can get up 30 to 60 minutes earlier to exercise (if it's a priority in your life). If necessary, you can go to sleep a little earlier. Also, research has demonstrated that people who exercise on a regular basis have a higher quality of sleep and thus require less sleep!
10. You'll feel GREAT! DO IT!
God Created Children (and in the process Grandchildren)
Contributed by: Bharathi Sarkar (bharathi.sarkar @netafim-india.com)
To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle.
Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children.
After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve... we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants.
A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was angry!
"Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said "Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"
Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed.
HOWEVER, THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY!
If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they have not taken it, do not be hard on yourself.
If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you should not have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:
"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
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French Computers
Contributed by: Ahmed Imam
A language instructor was explaining to her class that in French, nouns unlike their English counterparts, are grammatically designated as masculine or feminine.
"'House,' in French, is feminine - 'la maison' and 'Pencil,' in French, is masculine 'le crayon.'"
One puzzled student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
The teacher did not know, and the word wasn't in her French dictionary.
So for fun she split the class into two groups appropriately enough, by gender and asked them to decide whether 'computer' should be a masculine or feminine noun. Both groups were required to give four reasons for their recommendation.
The men's group decided that computers should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computer'), because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long-term memory for possible later retrieval; and
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.
The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be masculine ('le computer'), because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on;
2. They have a lot of data but they are still clueless;
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you'd waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.
Paid in Full
Contributed by: Shabbir Kagalwala (kagalwalashabbir @yahoo.co.in)
A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.
As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angry, he raised his voice to his father and said "With all your money, you give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.
Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.
When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. And as he did, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words PAID IN FULL.
How many times do we miss Spirit's blessings and answers to our prayers because they do not arrive exactly as we have expected?
TODAY'S affirmation: "Today I look beyond the obvious and allow miracles to be created in my life."
Appearances are misleading
Contributed by: Lakshmi Venkateshwaran (Lakshmivenkateswaran @yahoo.com)
A lady in a faded grey dress and her husband, dressed in a homespun suit walked in timidly without an appointment into the Harvard University President's outer office.
The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Harvard.
'We want to see the President,' the man said softly. 'He'll be busy all day,' the secretary snapped. 'We'll wait,' the lady replied.
For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away.
They didn't and the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president.' Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave,' she said to him.
The President, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple.
The lady told him, 'We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed.
My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus.' The president wasn't touched....
He was shocked. 'Madam,' he said, gruffly, 'we can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died. If we did, this place would look like a cemetery.
'Oh, no,' the lady explained quickly. 'We don't want to erect a statue. We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard.'
The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and homespun suit, and then exclaimed, 'A building!
Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings here at Harvard.
' For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. Maybe he! could get rid of them now.
The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, 'Is that all it costs to start a university? Why don't we just start our own?'
Her husband nodded.
The president's face wilted in confusion and bewilderment.
Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling to Palo Alto, California where they established the University that bears their name? Stanford University, a memorial to a son that Harvard no longer cared about.
Most of the time we judge people by their outer appearance, which can be misleading. And in this impression only we tend to treat people badly by thinking they can do nothing for us thus we tend to lose our potential good friends, employees or customers.
- Small people talk about others,
- Average people talk about things,
- Great people talk about ideas.